January 8
dear mo m
they gave mr a lsptop but i vant see ehat im tyuping i csnt siy up i cdnt move mu hesd and thry watn mde 2 type w at im thiknig so i am adn i dotn no wat im thikni gi wgere am i werre are yiu qhen aer you gona com e vs\iit me whoo arw all thse pwo[p le and wjy ar they al wchatign me type dotn thye hvae beter thn]igs 2 do
lov e jack
January 10
dera mom
thwy sitl w3ont twll me wer i am 9r y im her e btu i hace tubes un.y nose nd tehy re itcjing b nd they womr l;ewt me gt up or eat i csbt evn see the kebso[ard i wnt to gi hone bgu my legd hurt my heas hurst evr5ytgidng hurtd u do]nt knoie ehat els e to say wher e re uou
livev jack
January 12
drer mom
gabby brok up with me over text nd thy didsnt tekl me tull 2dat byt then they saud theyd been tryung to bit i dufn ut asnawer thme but i dont rememnebr all i rememrbr hearing us rignign mayb thats wy i m vonfuced bc i coulnt hrear them pro[wrly nd u judt thot they woundt tell me but thet were i cant talk i tryed but nothinb caemd out apantly my legd brojen and um in hosputal thats why evrythung us weerd threy gona taek me 2 threr apy tomororw andalso i eas in a carr crasghg thats wy all this is hapenng i rmemberd it aftert hwy todl me
kove jack
January 17
dear mom
they let meww sig t up in bed s to typed thsi becuz i did ggoed in therapye 2dey and yestereesy aalso they moved me 2 a differrtent hosdprital i steil cantt sopeack but thates wat therapy is dfor thsat wat they todl me also theres another boy my age at the n ew hosprtial his neme is taylor hes in a weelchair my nurs e jenna brot me ovr to him during fre tim e and meade me be his frend hes niec he todl me allt aboirt himeslf but i coulnt bc i still kant speke maybe ill type it out 4 him sumtime
loce jack
January 21
dear mom
todsy taykor was weraring a blink182 shirt nd i ponited to i t and ttried to give it thumbs up and taylor said do u like blink182 nd i nodded as bst i couldsf it made me dizzy so he started taklign abotu tehm he said they were his favotrtie band and he actualy lissted all there songs so hr ocudl find outr wich one wa s my j favotirtre that wsas so nice i wana talkl to him
love jack
January 28
dear mom
i made a niose in speech threapy today it was like baa everyon was so proud but i dont see y i cant talk yet i cant even wakl i mean i do have a broken lewg but stull
love jack
February 2
dear mom
its groundhog day and in therapy we woked on typing i know to go slow now and my fingers kind of move separately from each other they want me to use punctuation but i dont want to anyway they gave me onr of those trxttospeech things so i started typing to taylor he seemd so happy to know about me i really liek him i told him about my friends at school ryan parker josh and damien and everyone else i wonder if they miss me i miss them
love jack
February 9
dear mom
i can eat by myslf now so theyre gonna tak e the tubne in my nose out tomorow but o0nly if i stert using punctuatian but i do nt wana use punctuatioimn wjhat should i do its mnaking my nose itcgh but im stubbortn jenna watns me to keep it in for some reason
love jack
February 13
dear mom.
i caved. im using periods now at the end of sentwnces. they were like look jack no one will undeystand you if you odnt and i was like ok fine. i made more sounds in speech. i cant say woreds but i can say sss and t and p and l the only one im having trouble with is r and ill get it somebay i mean i could say it before. oops i forgot to use periods. taylor told me why hes in the wheelchiar. he fell otu of a building and broke his spine and is still getting used to doing things. i was gonna tell him why im her e but jenna beat me to it and told him i was ina car crash and have brain damage. they didnt tell me i had brain damage but i figurd it out.
love jack.
February 21
dear mom
shh theyre not looking i can grt away with not using periods so i can kinds of say my fname its not quite jack its more like jaahh hkhkhk but its close its so frustratign not bei ng able to talk becuz if jenna says someting i dont want her to tell othre ooeple i cant type fast enough to rtell her to stop sometimes i dont want people to know about thje bedpans just kidding i dont use bdpans but there are things i dont necessaril y want taylor to knoe anbout me like that i stikll have a tyeddy bear named travis bearker
love jack
March 1
dear mom.
i said my name. im so proud of myself. its jack. i said it short and fast and with nall the sounds. jack. jack. thats my name and i can say it. i said some other stuff too. i can say somethinfg that soudns like stop and i can say waggy thats my favortite blink182 song also tochdown boy and enthused but i cant say those. and i can say other words. taylor and i talked and i could kinmd of mkeep up with him. oh and i got the cast off my leg but im still using crutces because tghey want to work on walking with me. thry know rhey have to work on walking because i tried whenthey took ethe cast off and i fell on my face. i was ok. jenna helped me up.
love jack.
March 10
dear mom,
my occupational therapist showed me how to use tbhe comma key. i still dont really get it but, im trying. its rivght here ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,. oo lots of com mas. taylors bdeen to somany blink182 comcer5ts and im jedalous. remeber when yoiu ntook me to see them that one ti me that was awesome. i wnat to go again.
love, jack.
March 14
dear mom,
i can say taylors name now. he lookeed so happy when i said hi taylor. we tslked anotu more things. i asked him what his school was ;like, it turnd out we go to the sasme school. he and i didnt have any classes together but at least well see eahc other when we get out of tghis hospoital. im so close with him now. weird enough, none og my friends have come to see me. i think taylors m y lclosest friefnd now. dont tell jenna.
love, jack.
March 19
dear mom,
i was wiyth tsaylor and i realized i could sing again. he started singing all the small things and i did the na na na part in the chorus and realized i was singing and stopped the song. i was so happy. i haven’t stpooed singing akl day. thatnks, taylor. also i figured out where the abpostrophe key is. it’s a cool [punctuation m ark.
love, jack.
March 26
dear mom,
i worked on my typing more. i can move all my fingers independently now, and i can use the delete key when i spell something wrong. oh, and i can hold a pencil now. i can’t write, but i can get my hand around the pencil like i’m going to write with it. also i can say full sentences. i’ve done a lot of work on words with more than one consonant together, and it’s a bit unintelligible, but i can do it. taylor’s getting let out of the hospital. i’m really happy for him but i’m so gonna miss him. he wrote his phone number on my hand and i’m gonna copy it here. it’s 466-555-1325. there, now i’m not gonna forget it. i promised i’d call him and i will, just as soon as i get access to a working phone.
love, jack.
April 3
dear mom,
they’re letting me out! and i learned how to type some more punctuation! and they’re letting me out! i’m so excited. i’m still going to have to come here for more therapy and i can’t go back to school (because, you know, i can’t write), but i’m gonna get my own bathroom and i won’t have a jenna hovering over me at all times. sweet.
love, jack.
April 7
dear mom,
it turns out tay and i have physical therapy at the same time, so if we get there early, we can talk. we had a really deep conversation yesterday. i asked him if he was very religious, and he said no, not really, so i told him that i was bisexual and not to freak out. he laughed and said he was gay. i was so relieved. we bonded over queer things, it was great.
love, jack.
April 20
Dear Mom,
You’re supposed to capitalize the first letter of every sentence, and the letter I when it appears by itself, and people’s names. I knew that, but I didn’t know how to do it on this thing. TUrns out you do that by holding down Shift while you type the letter. I can remember all that, I think.
Also! Paragraphs! THose are when you type a whole lot and want to break it up into smaller, easier-to-read chunks. When you’re doing it on a keyboard you press Enter and it takes you to the next line. I like them. I can’t read a whole chunk of text without breaks.
I asked Tay out today. You should’ve seen his face. I was so nervous! i kept slurring words and tripping over my own feet. it was hardcore. But he said yes! So now I’m going to meet him at Rita’s Italian ICe on Saturday.
Love, Jack.
April 25
Dear Mom,
I had such a good time with Tay on Saturday. He ordered for both of us because I couldn’t pronounce the names of any of the flavors and I didn’t think the cashier would pick up on it if I typed out my order. But i paid because I’m a gentleman. Of course we got funny looks. Tay’s in a wheelchair and I carry around a massive flipping communication device and walk like I’m about to fall off a cliff. That’s a similie.* But we had a really long conversation about our futures. He wants to be a musician like me. He said he’s determined to find a way to play guitar in a wheelchair. I said he totally could. Someday I’m gonna invite him over and just jam with him.
*My therapist has been drilling the heck out of similies for me. She wants me to point out whenever I use one. I’ve been trying to tell her I already know what a similie is and have known since seventh grade, but nothing’s getting through.
Love, Jack.
July 5
Dear Mom,
I forgot I do these! A lot has been going on. Cut me some slack.
First things first: Tay and I are a couple now. We went to see the fireworks together last night and something happened. I was watching this really big one go off and he kissed me, on the lips. I was so surprised, but I kissed him back. So I guess it’s official.
Anyway, I’m still in therapy. I can speak mostly understandably, and I can write with an actual pencil, and I can walk in a straight line, but something’s still off and I can’t quite put my finger on it. Although, that does seem to be a consequence of brain damage.
Love, Jack.
November 8
Dear Mom,
It’s November. It’s been almost a full year since I started, and four months since I last wrote one of these. I just haven’t had the brainpower. I think this will be my last one, at least for a while.
I started school again in September. My friends practically jumped on me, but they seem more distant than they were. It was almost like they’d forgotten who I was. They’re still acting friendly, though, so I’m just gonna assume they like me until I’m proven wrong. Josh invited me and Tay to his Halloween party. It was even better than last year’s party, partly because there were hot dogs this time, and partly because Tay was there. Ryan and Parker were slow-dancing, and I think I even saw Damien with another guy, too. Somehow, I managed to befriend all the queer guys. Not that I’m complaining.
I’m still in therapy, but only on Saturdays, and only occupational therapy. My therapist says I might need to do it for the rest of my life, but I might not, it just depends. I’ll be alright with either one as long as I can be dating Tay. He’s in occupational therapy too. My foster parents are debating whether or not to let me live independently when I graduate high school.
Also, before I started writing this, I went back to the beginning and read all of these, starting with the first one. It sounds dumb, but reading my own incoherent words made me choke up a bit. I’m a long way from that. I can type, I can write, I can talk, I’m Jack Holloway with a slight dent in the engine, instead of Jack Holloway with missing gears and oil leaking everywhere.
And don’t worry. I found out soon enough that you couldn’t visit me.
Love, Jack
Inlandia: A Literary Journey 