Happy Halloween: Zombies in Love

Zombies in Love

By Cati Porter

Scene: Two zombies side-by-side, holding hands, each with a hand behind their back.


Zombies in unison:

When we first arrived here we were alive.

We were already in love.

We had gone for a drive down Victoria Avenue when a sick coyote ran across the road and our car veered into a pole.

(cue coyote howl)

We were resuscitated by paramedics and taken to the hospital.

Where we fell ill. An epidemic soon took hold and while we felt strange

We were still the same Jack and Jill

We left the hospital after the doctors fell ill too, walked home,

Where our fathers and mothers seemed afraid of us

And could not be consoled. They were well, but not for long.


Zombie Jill:

My mother said she thought I was dead

But I said No, I was just cold.


Zombie Jack:

My father said I looked like death warmed over.

(Jack laughs)


In unison again:

When they slammed the door we walked here to the morgue.

Because that’s where you go when you’re dead, right?

(they both laugh)

The hordes had gathered here to discuss what would become of us.

The next day, our parents joined us.

There was no escaping this.

None of us knew what a zombie should do. Should we go back to our old ways?


Zombie Jack:

Zombie baseball?


Zombie Jill:

Zombie ballet?


In unison:

We were strong. We thought nothing could hurt us, even as our bodies were falling apart.

They said it was just a nasty virus—that we would adapt. That we would build the world anew, a “Zombie Utopia.”


Zombie Jill:

I drive a Ferrari now.


Zombie Jack:

I run a delicatessen.


In unison:

See, it’s not all bad. The deli has been quite a success. And we love new guests.

But the trouble is….

We’re running out of fresh meat!


End scene: Jack and Jill run into the crowd, pulling meat cleavers from behind their backs.