Sheela Free

If I Can’t Have You

They’ve been at it since early this morning
perfect setting, gritty reality
putting up the virginal white tent
with marigold paper blossoms
crisscrossed with baby lavender, bold majenta ribbons
white chairs embraced by long draped sashes
which hug the gazebo, the tent, breathlessly
Tables with formal cut glass crystal
center pieces enchanted by lilies and orchids
awaiting happy hungry mouths.

All this in a gated park
on an unusually slumberous CA summer day
with the drowsy scent of pure gardenias
and laden Valencia orange blossoms
teasing the male bees into a frenzy
SNAP.
Hell, bro, it smells of money.
No-one even notices me in my rusty bucket of a Saturn
a grey 5KLL727 my prison homis stole for me
as I sit corpse like scanning this crap picture
fiddling with the FM knob till I find Eminem,
“not afraid” at all, ever. BMW’s-bitches, motherefing whores-all,
not him now, so fidget on till I get Chris Brown
crooning love to cover up my memory of him
crushing Rihanna’s facial bones to a pulp
which she first thought was love, which it was
so she stayed, hey 79% of all girls thought so too
all drunk on the power of man and his money, bro
going on forever and ever even with Ralph and
Alice, “pow in the kisser”, it’s all in the culture.

The long black limo pulls up behind me
belching out the tittering throngs, church stained,
onto the dewy grass.
Something’s wrong with this picture, bro
It should have been me, not him, the groom.
The bitch has moved up since moving on, homi.
I look changed now as I stroke my neatly trimmed goatee
push up my Raybans with my middle finger-they pinch,
roll my sleeves down to cover my newer tattoos I got in prison
again-let out with 6500 others by a bleeding broke country
oh, there she is, there she is-you’re mine, bitch, not his
my mind hisses as I clench the Glock.
Into her belly I pump my heart-pow pow pow.
The wedding congregation watches in slo mo
the blood blossoming in her belly.
You left, you put me away.
If I can’t have you, no-one can.

Karen Greenbaum-Maya

Hummingbird

Naked as a dead leaf,
scrap of bird with a bone-needle beak
curved to thread flowers.
Cat’s cuff knocked it out of the air.
She sits kitty-loaf, running her motor,
accelerating bird-life while the grass trembles.
Be safe in a shoe box for an hour.
For the live-wire beak, a corn syrup bubble.
Now up on spidery claws, dark eye to an air hole.
I swing the box up as reminder of flight,
and the bird falls up into the sky.

Ash Russell

interstate 15: mile markers 171-178

171. creosote along the black and yellow slick of a highway,
        tumbleweed caught in barbed wire tangles like the knots of
        a novice boy scout
172. the unbroken whir of tires on too-hot asphalt,
        whumwhumwhumwhumwhumwhum
173. hand on thigh, thigh on vinyl seat, thick sheen of heat
        like plastic wrap over blush-burned skin
174. too short-shorts, calloused heels, worn flat flip-flops and
        pink frosted lipstick from too many season ago, garish and
        sticky
175. russet beard over leather skin, sweat-soaked bandana
        sagging into flat, dark eyes, an empty smile
176. hand on thigh, hand on hand, acrylic click against gold
        band and green skin
177. Baby, he says, thick, you know I won’t do it again, right?
178. Of course, baby, she says, I know how much you love me.

Mae Wagner

Call of the Canyon

Early morning sun transforms the telephone wires into golden ribbons looping along the edge of the winding road of San Timoteo Canyon, making each morning’s commute a new present just waiting to be unwrapped.

My daughter tells me she wishes I would find a job in Redlands so I wouldn’t have to drive to Moreno Valley each day. No way. If I were to do so, I would lose two of my most magical times of the day—the drive to work and the drive home.

It’s the canyon, you see. Although I love to drive through both of the canyons linking Riverside and San Bernardino Counties, it is San Timoteo and not Reche Canyon that I travel almost every day.

And the drive does something to me—especially in the morning—something that borders on magical. It gives me a time to sort and collect my thoughts, a time to pull it all together for the day that lies ahead, a time to ponder the beauty around me. Some mornings are glorious sparkling blue sky and puffy cloud mornings and others are misty moisty gray mornings.

If my timing isn’t just right on the road leading out of Redlands, I am on the wrong side of the railroad tracks and must wait for a train to cross. Usually, the trains are very long and very slow—but the wait can be a time of peaceful meditation. As I watch the powerful engines pulling the long line of cars with names like Maersk and Evergreen and Uniglory, I wonder…who is waiting for them? Will they be hitched to a big truck heading for Texas or Arizona or will they sit on a dock somewhere until loaded onto a ship, sailing to some distant shore? I ponder oh so many things as I watch them rumble past, loaded with mystery cargoes and adorned with graffitied messages. Some messages are artistic and some are an assault on the senses—but they, too, give me pause. Where did the messages begin and where will they go? Perhaps the “artist” cannot escape whatever environment puts him near the tracks while only the rolling rails and distant destinies of the train limit his “art”.

Waiting for the train also gives me time to contemplate the orange grove intersected by the railroad crossing. It marks the seasons as they come and go. First comes the season of blooming when the air is filled with the fragrance of orange blossoms. Soon, the blossoms are replaced by little green globes that grow larger and turn orange. At harvest time, ladders bob up and down among the trees and I know that, for each ladder, there is a worker moving it from tree to tree as the oranges are harvested by skilled, work-hardened hands belonging to someone who must follow the crops as surely as the train must follow the tracks. And I wonder, will this harvest end up on a train going to some distant place while the oranges I sometimes buy come from Australia?

I cross the tracks and turn left onto San Timoteo Canyon. I love the drive for giving me a respite from the clutter and clang of urban life. Although I am on the actual Canyon road for only a short time, I know it rolls and dips for miles in front of me and miles behind me. Gigantic steel monsters march across the ridges of hills with their cargo of electricity. Lines of telephone poles, some tall and tilted, some stumpy and askew, lurch along the road like a drunken chain gang. Eucalyptus and pepper trees line the roadside where bright yellow sunflowers undulate and beckon.

When my eyes lift beyond the telephone poles and tumbleweeds, they are treated to incredible panoramas of gentle rolling hills dotted with oaks. In my rearview mirror, I see the mountains, magnificent in the play of sunshine and shadow, shadows that create folds of color—shades of gray and velvet brown, highlighted by hues of purple and violet. Sometimes, in unique California fashion, palm trees are silhouetted against distant snow-covered mountains. Some mornings, clouds hang misty over the land and the ever-changing mountains appear to rise out of them like distant, magical castles and kingdoms.

And, as if he commanded his own kingdom, I once saw a hawk perched on the last crag of hill before I dropped down into civilization as Moreno Valley suddenly sprawled before me. Now, I see these birds of prey less and less.

I am left to not only mourn the disappearing hawks but the changes that are happening in the Canyon. Traffic is heavy. A cross marks the spot where one person’s impatience cost another his life. Lines of commuters just like me snake along at a crawl behind trucks loaded with gravel and lumber as they rumble to construction sites. Development will soon transform it into more clutter and clang. What will future generations do? Where will they find the respite I have found?

In the meantime, life goes on. The daily commute is my own time machine, marking the seasons of the year as surely as they mark the seasons of my life. Large rounded green thistles turn into brown tumbleweeds, loosed from their moorings and transported by the winds. Fields are plowed, planted, come to life, are harvested and plowed again. The smoggy haze of summer lifts from the mountains to reveal another season of dazzling snowy peaks.

And if there is such a thing as reincarnation, I know I have been incarnated from a place of rolling hills where hawks soar and dip above, where streams cut through the land, where orange trees blossom and oaks are framed dark against the morning light.

Today is a gift waiting to be unwrapped.

–originally published in “Slouching Towards Mt. Rubidoux Manor,”, issue #1, 2008.

* * *

Mae Wagner is firmly rooted in the Inland Empire area and sees Inlandia stories everywhere just waiting to be told. She says, “writing has always been a passion, but largely relegated to the back burner while I focused on raising a family, earning a living and going to school.” Over the years, as a longtime Inland Empire resident, she has written for a public relations firm, the Riverside Chamber of Commerce; The Chino Champion newspaper, and had several columns published in the Op-Ed page of the Press-Enterprise when it was locally owned, including a noted investigate journalism series focused on a landmark environmental case involving the Stringfellow acid pits in Glen Avon, just west of Riverside. She currently writes a column for her home town paper in Hettinger, North Dakota and is enjoying being a member of the Riverside Inlandia writers workshop, which she has attended since its opening session in the summer of 2008.

Mae graduated from the old Poly High School in Riverside when it was across the street from Riverside City College and is grateful for the educational opportunities that were available both at RCC and Cal State San Bernardino when she became a re-entry student many years later. Thanks to that education, she became a teacher after the age of 50 at a school for at-risk high school students; this was her niche. Her proudest accomplishment is having raised three good people and now has seven grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. After suffering an identity crisis due to one last name too many, she has returned to her maiden name for all of her writing. She currently lives in Redlands with her husband, Alex, and her dog, Sophie.

Palm Springs Workshop Special Guest: Linda Troeller

Sorcerer, Mother.


Linda Troeller Visits the Inland Empire, Inlandia Institute Workshop, Palm Springs, March 2011, Self-Portraits in Shadow and Light

“I celebrate myself, and sing myself/ And what I assume, you shall assume/For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you…” Whitman’s “Song of Myself” invoked the spirit of the afternoon’s workshop wherein visiting photographer, Linda Troeller, asked participants to look within a hand-held mirror and describe what they saw. Troeller, author of Healing Waters, Erotic Lives of Woman, and The Chelsea Hotel Atmosphere, shared with workshop participants a collection of self-portraits, a journey of self documentation which began accumulating with a Leica camera in 1976.  Troeller is known for her use of color, emotion, blur and mood and utilizing portraits and self-portraiture.  Her collection highlights a career which embraces the lives of all whom she has encountered from family, to touchstone photographers, and highlights emotional transitions.

As each participant explored themselves in the mirror, noting the images conjured through self reflection, Maureen Alsop, workshop instructor, and Linda Troeller discussed the exploration of “self” through image and language. The development of a sense of identity, internal power, and a deeper connection with living can manifest through the creative process of self portrayal.

Participants were asked to record five statements on themselves and share this with the group.  From the raw energy of these drafts Alsop and Troeller, a collaborative photo team, helped each student evolve their presentation into unique portraits based on impressions from the written summations.  One participant expressed morose on mortality, and subsequent portraits were set against the backdrop of a black refrigerator to capture the shade in his eyes.  Backlighting one writer’s face against the room’s incandescent bulb captured the idea of “soullessness.”  Another writer wrote of herself as motion, and through group discussion it was determined she should run against a garden setting to illicit the sense of air and movement within her written piece.  Each writer received a copy of art-directed photo via email, and was asked to continue to write, exploring in greater depth the uniqueness of their portraitures.

You were the threads of a song long flightless, scatter-briar through counties.  And you, with your veiled names, she who had seen—O, you’d seen the teeth of a few men’s mind.  More dry the air.  Mirror leaked confessions. And fewer notes. The subtlety of water.  – Maureen Alsop

Linda Troeller is an international photographer and artist with books including Healing Waters, Aperture, Spa Journeys, powerHouse Books, Chelsea Hotel: An Artist’s Memoir among others. She has exhibited at many museums including the Ludwig Forum for Contemporary Art, Aachen, Fotogalerie Forum, Frankfurt, University of the Arts, Philadelphia to the Houston Museum of Fine Arts in the USA.  Her photographs of water, women and fashion are commissioned for hotel décor and by private collections from Toskana Therme, Bad Sulza, Bad Orb to the Musee de L’Elysee, Switzerland. Her photographs are in publications from Art Forum, Marie GQ to the New York Times.

She won Pictures of the Year, 1992 for her world-famous spa image, “Jacuzzi, Calistoga Hot Springs, Ca.” She has a MFA from School of Art, and a MS from Newhouse School, Syracuse University and a BS in Journalism, West Virginia University. She was a professor of photography at Indiana University, Stockton College, New Jersey, Bournemouth College, England and Parsons School of Design. She lives and works at her studio in at the Chelsea Hotel, NYC.

Her websites:

www.lindatroeller.com 

www.erotic-lives-of-women.com

www.100eyes.org

www.tbaidsdiary.com

http://www.lindatroeller.com/ (Self-Portrayal)