Evan-Gabriel Simon

Serenity Facing the Storm by Shaina Boal

The N-Word

Nigga a word so old but yet has so much power. Raining down like Seattle, showers every hour. Flooding the minds of the young youth making you feel like you’re powerless. Being called a word that you don’t know the meaning yet feeling like you’re taking every single beating that your ancestors took. But you don’t even know them because they couldn’t even write their name on a single piece of paper or even read a book. They tell you not to react because that is what they want. But when you say that word all I see is red. Cause like my ancestors I’d rather jump off the ship then be alive but still feel dead. See all I hear in my music is nigga this nigga that but if you would’ve considered that your provisions act as a way for my brain to be attacked. Nigger! The word that goes through my ear and out the other. I might have a black dad but I also have a white mother. I come from a house of love so it’s hard for me to understand a word with such hate. I’m like a full fish that’s already ate but throw that line with that word and I’ll probably take the bait. You say white americans can’t say that word because it’s racist. But whatta bout the British and French the Portuguese and the Spanish. Those from the north like Denmark and Sweden. You are all a part of the reason why my people felt defeated for so many years! But what brings tears to my eyes the most is that they were like the parasites and we were the hosts! But if there is anyone to blame at all for the sins that were committed it was themselves who traded their own people selling each other like dogs and that’s twisted and wicked. So now can I even know myself apart from that word apart from that slur. I’m only half so does my opinion truly matter should I pretend like I don’t care like I’m some sort of actor. All that word does is it shatters, cutting the self esteem like a dagger, and the only thing that happens to people is that they get madder. How can a people be free but in their actions still say yes massa. Five letters. Sort of an acronym. N for the negativity that’s like a cold that keeps coming back. I for the ignorant song replayed for 500 years like a broken track. G for the generations who can’t leave the mindset of the whip and the crack. Another G for those generations who say it happened so long ago and try to leave it at that. And an A for all the people who have to carry the baggage but can’t seem to unpack. It is hard to explain the pain and embarrassment of this word to someone who doesn’t share the same color. One minute you feel strong and smart like a scholar and the next you feel smaller. Worthless having no real value or use. That type of mentality is the type of thing you obtain by swinging from a noose. I cannot pretend like I’m innocent of that word but when it comes to my meaning I think there is a blur. See I mean to say my friend or my dude but when you say it’s viewed as rude. Why can’t white people say it is a common question. Cause that’s our culture and our expression. Most of us don’t know our ancestors or our lineage. We had to make our own lifestyle and our own traditions. It’s not racist to say you shouldn’t say that word at the end of the day it only has as much power that you give it. Like I said when you say that word I get a different image. Not you calling me dude or bro but you discriminating and belittling me like your name is Jim Crow. Yes the word is old and it still has power but if you keep feeding the monster you’re going to get devoured.

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