Holly Zijderveld

the girl i want to be

she is bubblegum sweet.
she’s a dream come to life.
she opens
her mouth and the sun comes out.
she is spontaneous and pretty,
she cares just enough.
she is a girl who catches glances
in big mason jars.
she fills up
her backpack –
they’re teenage girls dancing at the party,
their bodies pressed and kissing.
she stands them on the shelves at home
and writes a label with
her favourite pen.
when she is finished adding to the collection,
she lounges on the pink velvet armchair and looks up at
her bounty.
she reminisces,
pointing a soft finger to each as she gives
her tour to the audience inside of
her head.
“this one, i got from the boy at the cafe.”
“that one, the adult when i laughed too hard.”
“this one, when i said ‘have a good day.’”
and when she is almost done giving the tour of
her gallery,
she sees
her last jar and says:
“this one is the most important. it belongs to the girl i loved most.”

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